i used to think if i could realize i'd die

IF A MOVIE WAS MADE OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, here's how it works:

Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, etc).
Put it on shuffle.
Press play.
For every question type the song that's playing.
When you go to a new question press the next button.
Ready? GO!

Here's mine:


Opening Credits: Saint Simon - The Shins

Waking Up: Butcher the Song - Cursive

Falling In Love: The Kraken - Squirrel Nut Zippers

Fight Scene: Shadows - Sunny Day Real Estate

Breaking Up: Grain of Salt - Poison the Well

Make-up: Let's Wrestle - Joan of Arc

Secret Love: Undo - Bjork

Life's Okay: Rodeo Clown - Lifetime

Heartbreak: Something Against You - The Pixies

Mental Breakdown: The Devil Drives - Murder By Death

Driving: Man in Cage Jack Wilson - Zao

Flashbacks: Na Na Na Na Naaa - Kaiser Cheifs

Happy Dance: Cross Out The Eyes - Thursday

Regretting: The Way It Is - The Strokes

Long Night Alone: Ellegarden - Afternoon with the Axolotis - Hum

Final Battle: Crushing Someone You Love - Shelter

Death Scene: Chorus of One - Strike Anywhere

Ending Credits: Rilo Kiley - Science vs. Romance

I think girls who wear white eyeliner look like skanks. Especially if you are in your twenties with ridiculous staten island hair and tan. It's just something i think you should grow out of in high school (along with brownish black lipliner and tan or clear lip gloss.)

It's been about a week since my last post. I can't say much of anything different has happened. That's a lie. My sister and parents came home from vacation and Chip isn't doing so well. He was really sick and there is something wrong with his kidneys. Now he has to stay on a low to no sodium diet. It's so sad.

Life is crazy.

Yesterday C gave me one of the best compliments i ever heard. I went to pm to get my paycheck. I stopped by to say hello and we took a walk. As we were waiting for his sandwhich he told me how nice i looked. It would have just been a nice compliment but it was a great one since i still change my clothes atleast 7-10 times before we hang out and i make sure my hair and makeup is perfect. But it was the best because yesterday I went out in a shirt i felt was too tight; the skirt i wore the night before; my face was sweaty and gross; my hair was greasy; and before i met him (while waling in the parking lot) i stepped in a huge pile of dirt while wearing flip flops. I hope i never forget that feeling.

The other day i slept through Basketcase. This makes the fourth movie i have to catch up on. 1. Hobgoblins 2. Basketcase 3.Zombi2 4. The other Fulci movie. I can't believe i fall asleep through them but not Neon Maniacs.

Yesterday was a day off from work. I drove to pm to pick up some hair dye. Sick sick sick of blonde. I ran into my cousin who asked my opinion on wether i thought she was making a mistake by staying home and not going away to college. I reluctantly said yes. I think she is out of her mind to stay home and go to csi. Not because the school she was accepted to is any better, but all in all it is one of the greatest oppurtunities to befall an eighteen year old girl. And it is out in the open that she is staying home so she can be with her boyfriend. If i could rewind and have this oppurtunity at that age knowing what i know now, nothing would have stopped me. I told her the best advice i could give is not to go with your gut or heart but with logic.
After that i drove to blockbuster. I have a feeling the only place i am going to find sleepaway camp 2 is at Kims Video. I thought it would be fun to surprise C with it. I didn't find anything else to for the two of us to watch but i did see a whole bunch of movies that i want to watch like science of sleep.
I picked up C from work around 10pm. Did the usual wait for him to get out of the shower routine. Had dinner @ subway and went to blockbuster anyway. We rented Dead & Breakfast (i think thats the title.)
Today I worked from 12-4. I hate working at pm. I should't complain but it is really boring and on thursdays everyone wants there stupid check cashed. I wonder how many people who work at pm are on drugs. When i came home someone asked me if i really am in a relationship or if it was a ruse to keep guys away. Could you imagine?

Subtle but not underground, I was there, I saw the signs, I saw unfair.

It's been a while is a major understatement. In the past year I've changed several aspects of my life.
People tend to apologize when i tell them this or consider me some poor soul. I just laugh and tell them not to be, I'm not sorry. It just wasnt the life i wanted. It wasn't the life i needed. It wasn't the life i imagined for myself. Amazing how angry i actually feel writing this.

- I lost 60 pounds so far and i am on my way to losing more. i want to lose another 40 to 45 pounds..

- I bought a car and i pay insurance. I am also trying to get out of debt the honest way.

- Now i work a job and im part of a union but the pay sucks and there they don't give me alot of hours. Im waiting for usps or the police department to call me back.
How do i get into hair design?

As for my New Years Resolutions1. reach my goal weight on my diet that i started last may. 40lbs to go
2. write a blog everyday to improve my writing skills.still a goal
3. Be a better friend to people. Should be more like make new friends then be good friends to them
4. Learn wich battles are better left unfought. Getting there...
5. Don't let people walk all over me. Made strides in the right direction with this one.
6. Get organized. hahahahhahhhahahahaha

Artist: Tegan And Sara
"Are You Ten Years Ago"
If you're taken I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours I'm up and doing circles
I collapse
I might stay out longer than I left the light on for you
Then if you show, you show
If you show, you show
When I feel like this
When I get so in
To myself
I lose track of where I'm going and lose track of how to get going again
I feel myself slowing down
Feel myself turning around
Is this taken?
When I feel like this
When I get so sick of myself
Where are you going now without me
And not knowing then, that we're slowing down
You've gotta turn that around
And tell me that I'm taken,
Tell me if I'm yours
You collapse
The pressure of this life is so
You can't be held accountable
If you go, you go
If you go, you go
When you act like this
When you get so sick, of yourself
The whole world falls away and since
I feel
Like I have only missed the feeling that I'm here again
The feeling that I'm clear again
I'm not taken
When you act like this
When you get so in
To yourself I lose sight of common goals
And letting go so I can be all alone
Feel myself, going slow
Feel myself, letting go
Not taken,
Not feeling like I'm yours
I'm taken, I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I collapse
This life looks like a sentence, though
A constant game of falling short
If you know, you know
If you know, you know
When I feel like this
When I'm just so sick of feeling less than perfect
Is it right for me I never fight to see if coming clean
Would get to me I feel myself, holding back
I feel the pressure, it's finally back
I'm taken
When you feel like this
When you saw it call come crashing down
Subtle but not underground
I was there
I saw the signs, I saw unfair
And so I write to you
Through other means
I let myself finally feel taken
Like I was yours
If you're taken I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I'm taken, I am yours
I'm up and doing circles
I collapse I collapse I collapse